Email to the Editor- Nigerian Edition

Hello All,

Another week, another weekend, all gone, fleeting into that cold dark knight.  Oh, that reminds me, there is a great superhero movie out I think you all should see.  It's really great and ambitious and it's called Hancock.  It stars Will Smith as the reluctant son of Satan attempting to "hulk" out, Robert Downy Jr. style, and save the world from the ultimate superhero movie villain, untimely suicide.

Will El Chapulin Colorado be able to overcome his dreaded nemesis, Sabado Gigante?  Will anyone not raised on Spanish television understand this reference?  The answer to both questions is undoubtedly no.

Enough of that dumb shit!  Let's move onto letters!  

This week we have a man who really understands how royal, princely, and nigerian-y my writing style truly is:

NIGERIAN PRINCE NEEDS YOUR HELP!

REQUEST YOU FOR BUSINESS DEALINGS OF MONEY

FIRSTLY THUS, TO SOLICIT TRUST FROM YOU FOR TRANSACTIONS.  I REPRESENTING NIGERIAN PRINCE IN SEARCHES FOR GOOD UPSTANDING CHRISTIAN FOR MAKING MONEYS TRANSIDE TO NEW ACCOUNT....

(ED NOTE:  This emails really long, so I'm cutting the chase.  I reserve the right to edit all emails I get)

I... CONSIDER... YOU... WORTH MILLIONS... IN [awesomeness]

YOU... AM... ROYAL... PRINCE.

G...O...NZ...A...LO...

 (there was some more bullshit here about becoming a fifteen-millionaire and all I have to do is send a series of $300 money transfers, once a week, for three to seventy-weeks, or until my millions roll in.  Honestly, I was too lazy to read it all, but I've already asked my work to directly deposit all paychecks into the "NIGERIAN FUND OF LAW AND LAWYERS" and I'm confident I won't have to toil like you mothersuckers do all day)

PLEASE TO BE, I HOPE BUSINESS AND FRIENDSHIP FLOURISH INTO SUN LIKE NIGERIAN MIDGET ELEPHANT.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. CLEM MUGABE

Why thank you, Dr. Clem Mugabe.  Your kind words meant a lot to me and I will be sending you that Western Union money-order for $300 bucks by the end of this next week.  I am really looking forward to being filthy fucking rich, as my hookers are demanding I pay them for all those blowies, and my doctors are also demanding I pay them for the treatment required after receiving those blowies.  Also, the doctors demand I pay them for the blowies they gave me as well, so I've got blowie debts coming out of my ding dong, which is not yet tired of receiving blowies.

Your Loyal Leader,

Gonzalo "David Blowie" Cordova