I was reading The New York Times, as I often do before going out on my morning jog and eating my balanced oatmeal breakfast, when I ran across this article:
Comcast apparently reads the most obscure blogs making references to their multi-gillion dollar company and creepily responds to writer's complaints. Not only is this odd friendliness unsettling, it's also unexpected and a bit intrusive. But, I mean, TV is good so I really can't be bothered caring too much as long as I can numb my mind with an all-day marathon of America's Next Top Model. On the other hand, this could be a good opportunity for my blog.
Typically, I am not someone who likes to degrade my writing with lame stunts (If you are thinking of the Tito posts a while back, they were indeed part of a large stunt, but they were not lame). But I'm also not one to miss an opportunity. Let's face it, if you're reading this blog, you are in a minority of about five people. Unlike being latino or black, being in this minority is actually a good thing. For one thing, no one eyes you suspiciously at the ATM for reading my blog. For another thing, you get to spend your day reading trivial articles, rather than working multiple jobs just to keep your head above water in a racially skewed society. Regardless of your stance on affirmative action, I think we can all agree that my blog is the funniest thing ever written by a Hispanic person in the history of everything. But now, I want to branch out and try to reach out to a possible sixth reader by giving Comcast something to respond to, a semi-coherent ramble:
I AM INCENSED by whatever COMCAST does to FUCK US OVER or something! They have what I call a FUCKOPOLY! I call it a fuckopoly because, first of all, it Comcast sucking fucks! And second of all, Comcast plays it's customers like Monopoly.
Little known fact, monopoly isn't just a game. It's also a business theory which posits that the more little plastic houses you have, the better you are doing at life.
Why is everyone so blind and apathetic to this bullshit and stuff? Thinking about how people don't care that they are being constantly swindled, MAKES MY ASSHOLE BURN IN ANGER OR SOMETHING!! If you hate Comcast, join me in doing whatever it is we blogging activists do (flash mob anyone?) and bring those BASTARDS DOWN AND WHATEVER!
Okay, now that that's done, I'm going to relax, watch some TV, and completely ignore the fact that I am over-paying for internet and cable service. I'll also ignore the fact that with a little creative tinkering, I could easily acquire both services for free, but fuck it, I'm too lazy for that. After all, The Twilight Zone is on and I can barely get up to grab for my remote.
Your Loyal Leader,
Gonzalo "Mike TV" Cordova
1 comment:
i LOLed at work
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